Hey ! Great song ! I'd like to give you a detailed feedback :
00:00 -> 00:15 : (Intro)
It's quite short for an intro imo. An intro is used for DJ's to introduce the next track smoothly you know ? So my advice would be to have a 30 second (up to 1 min) intro, that way you have more chance that DJ's will play your songs in their sets
I would have love a kick (highpassed) more present also.
00:15 -> 00:25 (Break1)
Really AWESOME ! Everything needed is here, really good presence of the leads, I really like this part and the melody <3
00:25 -> 00:30 (Buildup1)
Really short buildup, not a problem don't worry
But you could have make it last longer, that way you could have lowpassed the leads and use snare rolls to build up tension !
I really like the little break right before the drop ! It's a key to get a powerful drop
0:30 --> 1:00 (Drop1)
Nice drop
melody is really nice and some variations in it made it more interesting !
I would suggest you to sidechain your leads and your basses, that way the kick will seems more punchy !
The kick is really important in EDM so the sidechain (or even a "fake" SC that just reduce the volume like BIGKIXDIPPA will help a lot ! Also, Umcaruje made a great tuto on the different ways to SC in LMMS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il0OH4I0-LE)
1:00 --> 2:10 (Break2)
Really nice with Xylophone sounds !
The composition is really really good !
2:10 --> 2:14 (Buildup2)
Same as the Buildup1
2:14 --> 3:12 (Drop2)
Great drop as the first one
3:12 --> 3:29 (Outro)
Nice outro, elements are going away slowly !
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To sum up, this is a really good song, great 1st attempt at EDM
I really suggest you to try the sidechain, I don't know what artist you like to listen to but most of EDM artist use Sidechain on bass, chords, leads to enhance the kick which is one of the most important element in EDM ! (Meaning your mixing should make it sounds present)
I hope these advices will help you improve for your next songs
Keep up the good job